A Self Talk about Happiness

Happiness is the feeling of being pleased or satisfied. Happiness as a word just expresses a feeling but as a fact in our life it’s the feeling that we are always talking about, looking for, arguing about and we may spend long time thinking how to reach it.

I was thinking about what happiness means to me and the first question that came to my mind is: “What are the happiest moments in my life?” and I came up with several moments like graduation, marriage, birth of my kids, success in my professional life and so on.

But I thought does it mean that happiness is just moments that comes occasionally into my life with specific events? Is it wise to reduce my happiness to few moments in my life? And I asked when can I feel happy? The answer was when I get what I want I will surely feel happy; but if I don’t? I will feel unhappy; but if I don’t get exactly what I want? I won’t feel happy for the rest of my life. And if I get something else that may be better than I expect? For sure I won’t notice it, I am focusing only on what I want and waiting for it. And when I noticed that I am limiting myself to a set of wants without them I won’t feel happy I realized how I am oppressing myself, I am hard to myself and depriving myself from many pleasures and opportunities (that I don’t know) which may come my way and I won’t see because I am looking for something else.

What if I make it simpler? Just live in the present moment, be myself, do my best, be grateful, connect with people, keep my focus on others and not myself, simply live and not be attached to any outcomes. 

Just live with an open mind and heart. 

This was my self talk about how to feel happy, what is yours?

REACH, HIGHER

Lyrics of the song REACH   (Gloria Estefan)

Some dreams live on in time forever

Those dreams, you want with all your heart

And I’ll do whatever it takes

Follow through with the promise I made

Put it all on the line

What I hoped for at last will be mine

If I could reach, higher

Just for one moment touch the sky

From that one moment in my life

I’m gonna be stronger

Know I’ve tried my very best

I’d put my spirit to the test

If I could reach

Some days are meant to be remembered

Those days we rise above the stars

So I’ll go the distance this time

See the more higher I climb

That the more I believe

All the more that this dream will be mine

If I could reach, higher

Just for one moment touch the sky

From that one moment in my life

I’m gonna be stronger

Know I’ve tried my very best

I’d put my spirit to the test

If I could reach

If I could reach, higher

Just for one moment touch the sky

I’m gonna be stronger

From that one moment in my life

I’m gonna be so much stronger yes I am

I’ve tried my very best

I’d put my spirit to the test

If I could reach

If I could, if I could

If I could reach

Reach, I’d reach, I’d reach

I’d reach  I’d reach so much higher

Be stronger

How wonderful to be able to reach higher and higher, go beyond our limits, know our highest potential, face all the challenges with courage and complete belief in our abilities and strengths.

Need help

     May be my today's post is not like previous ones, in my previous posts I was always doing my best to be positive and focus on every positive aspects in my life. How I learned to improve my life and how I learned that my life and my happiness are my own responsibility. Yes my beliefs and my thoughts shape my life. It's up to me to focus on the positive or the negative.


     But during the past two weeks I was totally drained because of someone in my life who is careless and negligent. Someone who doesn't care a lot about what I want?, what hurts me?, what annoys me?, and although I keep telling them, they always find excuses for what they do. I told them about it in all possible ways but nothing changed. I feel really powerless. The situation that is coming up repeatedly is not the only one, there is a big baggage from the past that I am trying hard to let go but it shows up with every new unpleasant situation. The impact of all of that is not just some annoyances but it shows physically as pain in different parts of my body, stomach pain, IBS and headaches.


I really feel powerless and all what I was repeating to myself as being positive, taking responsibility, responding and not reacting,  focusing on the blessings and being grateful isn't working any more. I need help. 

Life balance

When I think about the word balance, I think of fairness, equilibrium and stability; everything is in the right amount. When I think about balance in life and how we may apply it on different aspects of our life, I find that first we need to be clear about our values then make the balance according to them .

While thinking about my life in the past I realize there weren't any balance in my life and I didn't give enough attention to my values. My life was a long list of  SHOULD DO that was dictated by a so demanding and stressful job, two young kids and a familial life that according to the culture doesn't allow a lot of freedom to the woman. The ideal and perfect woman, in my culture, is the woman who remembers and cares about all the members of her family and extended family except herself. Some women could live this way for some time but later on when they get older and realize that they didn't enjoy their life some of them get depressed and they feel that they lost their life. A woman who looks for her happiness and her satisfaction is a selfish woman and she is not accepted or appreciated.  No one knows that the happiness of the woman is a must for all others in the family to be happy.  No one realize that a miserable, angry, resentful and frustrated woman is never a nice person to live with.

I address my post to all the women in my community and especially mid aged women. Those who lived a big part of their life thinking only about what others need and what others want; those who were stealing, secretly, some parts of their time for themselves as if it wasn't their right. I tell them:" Put yourself as a first priority and think about your needs as you think about others needs. Know what really matters to you and live according to it. Make a BALANCE between your needs and others needs and let everybody help you to keep this balance." Don't think or say nobody will do without even asking; just ASK and you will be astonished how they will all support you because they all love you and need you. The main problem is you never asked; you assume that others know what you want and what you need but actually they don't because they are not you. Only you knows until you let them know; teach them lovingly how to treat you, respect your needs and support you. Be clear about what you expect of them. 

So start now and think about how to bring satisfaction, happiness and fulfillment to your life by making the BALANCE. Let your family and friends support you. Don't say it's too late; no it's never too late just be clear about what is important to you and make it as one of your first priorities and do it on a daily or weekly basis as you want, it will bring you a lot of energy, satisfaction and fulfillment. 

Think how to make yourself happy and your life won't be the same any more.

This post is part of a blog hop series sponsored by students and graduate Coaches of ICA. Please hop on over to their posts and see what else you can learn about balance
Intuitive Coaching:  

http://reneevosdewael.wordpress.com/2011/07/18/balance/

Joe Matz

http://upaheadcoaching.com/balance/

coachinu - new mum's life coaching

http://coachinublog.com/2011/07/18/i-am-a-mother-but-not-just/

Kick Ass Website Coach

http://kickasswebsitecoach.com/business-coaching/does-balance-really-exist-when-you-run-a-business/.html
Worthy Of Choice

http://www.worthyofchoice.com/find-your-balance-through-life-management/

Learner Focused Coaching

http://learnerfocusedcoaching.com/2011/07/18/balance-for-an…e-presentation/  

Please feel free to share your comments, ideas and thoughts, thanks.

How to conduct a simpler life?

    I keep thinking about how to improve my life, bring more happiness, more energy and live in peace with myself and the universe. I thought about how to simplify my life and what benefits it can bring to my life?

   I found some tips that may help to make my life simpler and I like to share them with you. The first step is to focus on my priorities and do what really matters for me, keep what is really important to me in my house, my office and my mind. Keeping only what is important has a very positive impact on the clarity of the mind and the thoughts. It makes me feel satisfied, peaceful and relaxed at the end of the day, in addition to feeling productive and successful.

Being organized about the important things I decided to keep in my life is the second step to make my life simpler, stuff that I need frequently (daily or weekly) is to be kept in the foreground but other stuff less needed (monthly or occasionally) is to be kept in the background.  By foreground I mean a close place as drawers or lower shelves in my closet while background can be higher shelves in the same closet.  The same can be applied in the office; the essential is to keep stuff frequently needed so close to not waste a lot of time and energy to find.  The hardest part is to keep only important stuff in my mind; currently I don't know exactly how to do it but I think that keeping an agenda or to do list to follow can help but it will never prevent negative thoughts and self  talks to invade my mind. I think it needs to be elaborated more deeply in another post.

Keeping  my environment clean and beautiful, is the third step. By doing so I am sending myself a message  that I love and respect myself; as I keep my house clean for my guests because they are important to me; I keep all my life clean and beautiful because I am telling myself that I am important to ME.

Be consistent with the past 3 rules until I make it a habit is the fourth step.

The fifth and last step is to recheck regularly that I am living by these rules especially keeping only important stuff ; it is the maintenance step.

    I think that these steps not only will make physical space in my life to be able to add new things but  they are making space for more positive energy to come into my life.

Please feel free to share your comments, ideas and thoughts to simplify our life, thanks.

Gratitude, the way to happiness

     Gratitude is to be content and thankful in every moment of your day.  It is to accept genuinely, thankfully, peacefully and with contentment whatever happens. A state of mind that could bring satisfaction and peace. When I try to visualize how my life will look like if I could live in gratitude, I see a life full of serenity, peace and bliss. It' s heaven.

      I remember the first time my coach asked me to start a gratitude journal to help me shift my focus from what, I think, is missing in my life to what I already have and I admit it was really helpful. I noticed again many graces I used to take for granted. The gratitude journal was one of the tools that helped me to improve my relationship with my mother. In my gratitude journal I mentioned that I am grateful for having my both parents alive and they are so supportive to me. Then when I thought what I am thankful for them for, I realized that I am thankful for them for many things and my mother's criticism and interference in my life were just a way to show her interest and care. Since then my relationship with my mother has totally changed and improved due to my gratitude perspective and journal. 

      Living with a gratitude feeling in all aspects of our life is not easy and needs practice to make it deep and  ingrained. Gratitude for things that we take for granted is helpful to notice the gifts  we keep receiving in every moment of our life. To realize the value of the things we take for granted just imagine our life without it. We  never notice that the pure fresh water is a grace because we find it everywhere, but imagine how our life would look like if we have to make great effort to have a glass of water. Imagine that all the things that we take for granted like water, air, sunlight, our senses, our home, our family, our health ...etc are gone how would our life look like then think how will be our feeling when everything comes back one by one. Sure we will eventually realize how valuable each of them is.

       To start living with a gratitude perspective we need to give up complaining. Complaining is a sign of lack of gratitude. So to strengthen our sense of gratitude we need to observe ourself and consciously make the right choice, either gratitude and gain the satisfaction and positive energy it brings or complaining and accept its negative energy in addition to the harm it brings to our health and our life.

Communication in household

    Communication is crucial in all aspects of our lives, at home, at work, with friends and even with strangers that we meet once in our life. Our communication skills shape the relationship, few words may result in creating a life long relationship or life long hostility. Good communication requires good listening. Listening to the feelings, thoughts, fears and beliefs of other without judgement. 

    One of the areas that communication plays a very important role is marriage and parenting, more precisely two areas but I find them tightly related so I considered them as one.

    In marriage, lack of communication means no alignment of values, no intimacy, no listening and no respect for feelings of partner. Good communication needs being clear about your needs and your expectations, making assumptions that your partner knows what you need is not right and they may assume as well that they are doing the right thing.

Communication in parenting is crucial as well. I read an article titled " What teens really want?" and the writer mentioned that what teenagers need most is to be heard and understood. Usually parents do not listen to their kids, they talk and expect their kids to listen and obey. In fact listening to them in this critical period of their life is vital. During this period they start to know and discover a new world  different from the childhood world. They are discovering the adults world and in the beginning it's shocking and confusing and at the same time it's an adventurous world. They need to be allowed to express their fears, worries their hopes about the new world and they need someone to assure and support them instead of someone who expect them to do everything the way elders think they should do. By listening to them we keep an open door for them to come back for advice and help when they need it. Telling them that our love for them is unconditional is a powerful tool to keep the door between us and them open all the time. Overprotection is not the right thing to do, it may be the worst thing to do in this relationship.

    Communication and listening skills are so important in all aspects of our life, they could be improved by practice and learning. The next time you will talk to your partner or your kid observe yourself and see are you really listening or are you busy thinking about how you will reply?  Did you get the feelings behind the said words? Try hard to improve your communication skills it may make a huge improvement in your whole life.

Anger

Anger is one of the worst and most destructive emotions we can ever have. We feel angry with ourselves, with others and with the world. With anger we feel victim and helpless, in addition anger brings hatred and we become aggressive toward everything and everybody. Anger is like a flood that may destroy all signs of life. Angry people never care who or what they are destroying.


It isn't impossible to overcome anger, but first we have to deal with the stubborn obstacle that we will surely face which is pain. Pain and hurt are the main reasons behind our anger. Pain is an unpleasant feeling that I really hate especially the emotional one, for me it is the most hurtful. I believe I experienced emotional pain for long time that's why I feel unable to bear any kind of pain any more.


While looking for a treatment for my anger I thought about gratitude because of the feeling of peace, satisfaction and happiness that it brings, it may calm down pain and anger. Looking for the opportunities of learning and growth that pain brings can help to accept that pain is necessary to realize the moments of relief.
Thinking every day about what I am thankful for first thing in the morning and keeping it before my eyes all day long may help to reduce my anger and my pain.

Am I looking for Happiness?

     I asked myself this question and the answer was: "We look for something lost or missing". So I asked myself again : "How did I lose my happiness?", " Why did I lose it?" and "Who took it away from me?". Before finding out where it's gone, it's more important to find out "What is happiness and what stops me to be happy?".


     Do I need someone else to offer me happiness? What is missing in my life that can bring me happiness? What happiness have with what I have and what I don't have? Where can I find happiness? Where do I start my search journey for happiness? Who can help and support me in my search journey? Is it really missing or is it around me everywhere but I am unable to perceive it? I felt scared and frightened of the truth. I didn't find any reason for not being happy. I don't need to look for happiness, all I need is to do is to PERCEIVE and NOTICE its presence in my life.  All I need is to smile and laugh as much as I can, learn to make myself happy, take a more positive perspective, be optimistic, let go of unimportant and silly issues that happen every day. Feeling happy or not depends on my mind and my thoughts. If I ask myself the question "What is the value of what is happening compared to my health, happiness and wellness?" in every moment of my day and could give myself the chance to answer before reacting to the situation I think I will be able to let go of 90% of what is taking my happiness, my time, my energy and my life. Think deeply about the different situations that you face during the whole day that is draining your energy and wasting your time (energy + time = life), what is taking your life? I am sure that you will find that 90% of them doesn't worth anything.


      Feeling happy is totally your choice, all you need is to set it as your main objective in life and work hard to achieve it as you achieve any of your goals. You need to be aware and alerted who and what want to take your happiness away and  to stand in front of them to defend your happiness. All you need are just few seconds to make the right choice.

Could we fear happiness?

      
 I thought I learned everything about how to make myself happy, I learned it's my choice, I learned that repeating positive affirmations to gain self confidence, self love and self respect  can really help to lead to positivity and happiness. I learned  that happiness is my own responsibility.  I learned that likes attract likes, so if I am happy I will attract happy people into my life.  In spite of that I didn't take any action toward my happiness.

    Do I feel more comfortable this way? Am I more familiar with negative thoughts and unhappiness? Am I more familiar with complaining and I am not sure what else to do or say if I don't find something to complain about?  Am I afraid to look different from others?  I don't like to look different and hence to be noticed.
How will I communicate with them?  Am I afraid of their sarcasm and mockery? They may think I became mad. 
Why do we feel more comfortable or familiar with the negative approach we all tend to adopt in our life? We are all complaining, no matter what we have and what level of wealth are we living in, we just complain. Complaints are a common factor in all our conversations everywhere. 


    Am I afraid of looking better, more beautiful, shinning, energetic and enthusiastic?  Am I afraid of my response when I look better? Will I accept my current life as it is or will I rebel  against  it? Digging deep inside myself is really scaring me, I can't predict what will be the results and what will be the effect of this process  on my current life?

 I am afraid while I am looking for my own happiness I may destroy happiness of  my beloved ones.

I am the only one who can change my mind and my heart

I am pleased to introduce myself to you. I am a very simple woman who has been looking for a simple, smooth and quiet life. I have struggled, fought and lived under pressure for long years. My dreams were so humble; finding happiness and peace of mind. Weren't they so simple and so humble? I have always dreamed of someone to love me, understand me and make me happy. Was I so greedy or so demanding? I couldn't understand why life was depriving me of my needs when I was asking so little? I wished I could find a way to change all that and get all I want. It was my right, wasn't it?

Yes, of course, it was my right. It was my right to be happy, to be understood, to find peace of mind and find love and happiness. The only thing that wasn't right is my belief of who is responsible for that? Who will make me happy? Who can get my needs met? Who will realize my dreams?

Nobody! Nobody will make me happy, nobody will get my needs met, nobody will realize my dreams for me, nobody other than MYSELF.

Yes, that's what I have learned. I learned that I am the only one responsible for my own happiness. I learned that I need to love myself first. I learned that I won't be understood until I understand myself. I learned that I won't get my needs met until I do it for myself. I realized that I need to work on myself, not others, to change my life.

Feel the fear and do it anyway

Fear is usually, especially for me, is the main reason behind being stuck unable to move forward or afraid of taking risk. Fear of failure, fear of making mistakes, fear of looking foolish, fear of being blamed (the thing that I hate most) are different forms and excuses for not doing something, the end result is being stuck, prefering to stay in my confort zone.
Recently I decided to fight, I read about a book titled "Feel the fear and do it anyway" written by Susan Jeffers a renowned self help books writer, I subscribed to her newsletter a year ago and found them very useful and inspiring. So I decided to take an action and buy the book that I received one week later. Currently I am reading the book a first reading and I planned to finish it by end of this week and starting from next week I will start reading chapter by chapter again to apply the techniques on my coaching studies as I have a lot of fears in this area, I attend the classes without checking in, I am hesitant to post my reflections on the discussion board, I am unable to take a step toward starting to coach others. I am acquiring info and gaining knowledge but didn't apply what I learnt to my own life I feel more secure, more comfortable in my comfort zone, transition and change brings trouble in the begining until every thing is settled but until I get there I have to tolerate the consequences of the change, something that I think I am not ready for at the moment. My only hope is to be able to overcome my fears, feeling the fear and doing it anyway, and go ahead in my coaching jouney with the aid of Feel the fear concepts of Susan Jeffers.

New perspective

Your perspective of any situation is your own choice.

How do you see it? How other ways can you see it? and how can the whole situation change if you change your perspective?

Is that true or just nice words for calming anybody in a difficult situation?

It's said also that your reaction toward anything is totally your choice. I think that reaction is the result of your perspective, so changing your perspective can totally change your reaction.

At the first glance we may consider these words, just words and it's so easy to SAY whatever, but actually it's true.

I used to have conflicts with my mother since I was a teenager, she considered me a stubborn and a disobedient daughter and as I get older our relationship got more and more complicated until I got married and I thought I succeeded to run away from her control, but she never gave up.

As i got kids our conflict area became wider, she is objecting how I treat them and how I must treat them, she may make decisions on my behalf or even taking actions instead of me. Of course I get irritated by her intrusion into my personal life, and of course every time I get irritated we have a row that end by finding myself blamed by all my sorroundings.

May be a change in perspective is all what I need to end the biggest problem of my life. I am sure it can but what is this perspective that can solve this conflict?

Considering her excessively caring instead of intruding, or excessively worrying about anything and everything as she used to be all her life, or just saying OK to calm her.
I am not sure which one could work best for both of us, the only thing that I am sure about is that I need to change my perspective of what she is doing to find MY peace of mind.

A new beginning

I will start my coaching classes at the ICA next Friday.
I consider this course a new beginning of my life, I will benefit as much as possible of this course to improve my life.
Starting a blog was one of the requirements of the study, I always thought that writing down my thoughts in a journal is a good idea. During long years since I was in high school I started to write sometimes but I never did it regularly although I think it helps to get rid of my stress, my depression or my sadness.
Only now I noticed that I never wrote when I was happy. Anay way I have to build a journaling habit because I must write regularly about my coaching course and my learning process.
It is useful to do toit because later I will be able to track the progress I made in my studies.
I wish myself good luck in my new course and wish myself all the success I dream of :).

My first post

The idea of posting my thoughts and having a blog is completely new to me, it's one of the requirements of the study at the International Coach Academy. I must have a blog and journal regularly. I am doing many new things these days. The most important one is my enrollment at CPCP to study at the ICA and become a certified life coach.
I have read about coaching for almost a year or may be more but I finally took the first step when I found by accident the website of the ICA and found that I don't have to attend any classes in person as other Academies ask. All classes will be by phone, teleclasses.
It's a genius idea, I don't have to travel or spend long months away from my kids that need me, neither I have to leave my work. Just a telephone line or a laptop with skype installed and a monthly subscription to call a landline.
Every day the technology makes our life easier and easier.
I will start my teleclasses next Friday 10th of April 2009. My Plan is to graduate on September or December 2010.
I want to take my time and have enough practice to be able to get a deep understanding of the coaching process and enough experience as well. In addition I want to enjoy this period in all ways. I can benefit of this journey in several ways. First I will have the chance to be coached during my training which I needed to grow and improve my life, second it's a great opportunity to practice English language listening, writing and speaking as well and finally I will learn and
get certified then I will be able to work as a life coach which is my dream.