Could we fear happiness?

      
 I thought I learned everything about how to make myself happy, I learned it's my choice, I learned that repeating positive affirmations to gain self confidence, self love and self respect  can really help to lead to positivity and happiness. I learned  that happiness is my own responsibility.  I learned that likes attract likes, so if I am happy I will attract happy people into my life.  In spite of that I didn't take any action toward my happiness.

    Do I feel more comfortable this way? Am I more familiar with negative thoughts and unhappiness? Am I more familiar with complaining and I am not sure what else to do or say if I don't find something to complain about?  Am I afraid to look different from others?  I don't like to look different and hence to be noticed.
How will I communicate with them?  Am I afraid of their sarcasm and mockery? They may think I became mad. 
Why do we feel more comfortable or familiar with the negative approach we all tend to adopt in our life? We are all complaining, no matter what we have and what level of wealth are we living in, we just complain. Complaints are a common factor in all our conversations everywhere. 


    Am I afraid of looking better, more beautiful, shinning, energetic and enthusiastic?  Am I afraid of my response when I look better? Will I accept my current life as it is or will I rebel  against  it? Digging deep inside myself is really scaring me, I can't predict what will be the results and what will be the effect of this process  on my current life?

 I am afraid while I am looking for my own happiness I may destroy happiness of  my beloved ones.

I am the only one who can change my mind and my heart

I am pleased to introduce myself to you. I am a very simple woman who has been looking for a simple, smooth and quiet life. I have struggled, fought and lived under pressure for long years. My dreams were so humble; finding happiness and peace of mind. Weren't they so simple and so humble? I have always dreamed of someone to love me, understand me and make me happy. Was I so greedy or so demanding? I couldn't understand why life was depriving me of my needs when I was asking so little? I wished I could find a way to change all that and get all I want. It was my right, wasn't it?

Yes, of course, it was my right. It was my right to be happy, to be understood, to find peace of mind and find love and happiness. The only thing that wasn't right is my belief of who is responsible for that? Who will make me happy? Who can get my needs met? Who will realize my dreams?

Nobody! Nobody will make me happy, nobody will get my needs met, nobody will realize my dreams for me, nobody other than MYSELF.

Yes, that's what I have learned. I learned that I am the only one responsible for my own happiness. I learned that I need to love myself first. I learned that I won't be understood until I understand myself. I learned that I won't get my needs met until I do it for myself. I realized that I need to work on myself, not others, to change my life.

Feel the fear and do it anyway

Fear is usually, especially for me, is the main reason behind being stuck unable to move forward or afraid of taking risk. Fear of failure, fear of making mistakes, fear of looking foolish, fear of being blamed (the thing that I hate most) are different forms and excuses for not doing something, the end result is being stuck, prefering to stay in my confort zone.
Recently I decided to fight, I read about a book titled "Feel the fear and do it anyway" written by Susan Jeffers a renowned self help books writer, I subscribed to her newsletter a year ago and found them very useful and inspiring. So I decided to take an action and buy the book that I received one week later. Currently I am reading the book a first reading and I planned to finish it by end of this week and starting from next week I will start reading chapter by chapter again to apply the techniques on my coaching studies as I have a lot of fears in this area, I attend the classes without checking in, I am hesitant to post my reflections on the discussion board, I am unable to take a step toward starting to coach others. I am acquiring info and gaining knowledge but didn't apply what I learnt to my own life I feel more secure, more comfortable in my comfort zone, transition and change brings trouble in the begining until every thing is settled but until I get there I have to tolerate the consequences of the change, something that I think I am not ready for at the moment. My only hope is to be able to overcome my fears, feeling the fear and doing it anyway, and go ahead in my coaching jouney with the aid of Feel the fear concepts of Susan Jeffers.