Gratitude, the way to happiness

     Gratitude is to be content and thankful in every moment of your day.  It is to accept genuinely, thankfully, peacefully and with contentment whatever happens. A state of mind that could bring satisfaction and peace. When I try to visualize how my life will look like if I could live in gratitude, I see a life full of serenity, peace and bliss. It' s heaven.

      I remember the first time my coach asked me to start a gratitude journal to help me shift my focus from what, I think, is missing in my life to what I already have and I admit it was really helpful. I noticed again many graces I used to take for granted. The gratitude journal was one of the tools that helped me to improve my relationship with my mother. In my gratitude journal I mentioned that I am grateful for having my both parents alive and they are so supportive to me. Then when I thought what I am thankful for them for, I realized that I am thankful for them for many things and my mother's criticism and interference in my life were just a way to show her interest and care. Since then my relationship with my mother has totally changed and improved due to my gratitude perspective and journal. 

      Living with a gratitude feeling in all aspects of our life is not easy and needs practice to make it deep and  ingrained. Gratitude for things that we take for granted is helpful to notice the gifts  we keep receiving in every moment of our life. To realize the value of the things we take for granted just imagine our life without it. We  never notice that the pure fresh water is a grace because we find it everywhere, but imagine how our life would look like if we have to make great effort to have a glass of water. Imagine that all the things that we take for granted like water, air, sunlight, our senses, our home, our family, our health ...etc are gone how would our life look like then think how will be our feeling when everything comes back one by one. Sure we will eventually realize how valuable each of them is.

       To start living with a gratitude perspective we need to give up complaining. Complaining is a sign of lack of gratitude. So to strengthen our sense of gratitude we need to observe ourself and consciously make the right choice, either gratitude and gain the satisfaction and positive energy it brings or complaining and accept its negative energy in addition to the harm it brings to our health and our life.

Communication in household

    Communication is crucial in all aspects of our lives, at home, at work, with friends and even with strangers that we meet once in our life. Our communication skills shape the relationship, few words may result in creating a life long relationship or life long hostility. Good communication requires good listening. Listening to the feelings, thoughts, fears and beliefs of other without judgement. 

    One of the areas that communication plays a very important role is marriage and parenting, more precisely two areas but I find them tightly related so I considered them as one.

    In marriage, lack of communication means no alignment of values, no intimacy, no listening and no respect for feelings of partner. Good communication needs being clear about your needs and your expectations, making assumptions that your partner knows what you need is not right and they may assume as well that they are doing the right thing.

Communication in parenting is crucial as well. I read an article titled " What teens really want?" and the writer mentioned that what teenagers need most is to be heard and understood. Usually parents do not listen to their kids, they talk and expect their kids to listen and obey. In fact listening to them in this critical period of their life is vital. During this period they start to know and discover a new world  different from the childhood world. They are discovering the adults world and in the beginning it's shocking and confusing and at the same time it's an adventurous world. They need to be allowed to express their fears, worries their hopes about the new world and they need someone to assure and support them instead of someone who expect them to do everything the way elders think they should do. By listening to them we keep an open door for them to come back for advice and help when they need it. Telling them that our love for them is unconditional is a powerful tool to keep the door between us and them open all the time. Overprotection is not the right thing to do, it may be the worst thing to do in this relationship.

    Communication and listening skills are so important in all aspects of our life, they could be improved by practice and learning. The next time you will talk to your partner or your kid observe yourself and see are you really listening or are you busy thinking about how you will reply?  Did you get the feelings behind the said words? Try hard to improve your communication skills it may make a huge improvement in your whole life.

Anger

Anger is one of the worst and most destructive emotions we can ever have. We feel angry with ourselves, with others and with the world. With anger we feel victim and helpless, in addition anger brings hatred and we become aggressive toward everything and everybody. Anger is like a flood that may destroy all signs of life. Angry people never care who or what they are destroying.


It isn't impossible to overcome anger, but first we have to deal with the stubborn obstacle that we will surely face which is pain. Pain and hurt are the main reasons behind our anger. Pain is an unpleasant feeling that I really hate especially the emotional one, for me it is the most hurtful. I believe I experienced emotional pain for long time that's why I feel unable to bear any kind of pain any more.


While looking for a treatment for my anger I thought about gratitude because of the feeling of peace, satisfaction and happiness that it brings, it may calm down pain and anger. Looking for the opportunities of learning and growth that pain brings can help to accept that pain is necessary to realize the moments of relief.
Thinking every day about what I am thankful for first thing in the morning and keeping it before my eyes all day long may help to reduce my anger and my pain.

Am I looking for Happiness?

     I asked myself this question and the answer was: "We look for something lost or missing". So I asked myself again : "How did I lose my happiness?", " Why did I lose it?" and "Who took it away from me?". Before finding out where it's gone, it's more important to find out "What is happiness and what stops me to be happy?".


     Do I need someone else to offer me happiness? What is missing in my life that can bring me happiness? What happiness have with what I have and what I don't have? Where can I find happiness? Where do I start my search journey for happiness? Who can help and support me in my search journey? Is it really missing or is it around me everywhere but I am unable to perceive it? I felt scared and frightened of the truth. I didn't find any reason for not being happy. I don't need to look for happiness, all I need is to do is to PERCEIVE and NOTICE its presence in my life.  All I need is to smile and laugh as much as I can, learn to make myself happy, take a more positive perspective, be optimistic, let go of unimportant and silly issues that happen every day. Feeling happy or not depends on my mind and my thoughts. If I ask myself the question "What is the value of what is happening compared to my health, happiness and wellness?" in every moment of my day and could give myself the chance to answer before reacting to the situation I think I will be able to let go of 90% of what is taking my happiness, my time, my energy and my life. Think deeply about the different situations that you face during the whole day that is draining your energy and wasting your time (energy + time = life), what is taking your life? I am sure that you will find that 90% of them doesn't worth anything.


      Feeling happy is totally your choice, all you need is to set it as your main objective in life and work hard to achieve it as you achieve any of your goals. You need to be aware and alerted who and what want to take your happiness away and  to stand in front of them to defend your happiness. All you need are just few seconds to make the right choice.

Could we fear happiness?

      
 I thought I learned everything about how to make myself happy, I learned it's my choice, I learned that repeating positive affirmations to gain self confidence, self love and self respect  can really help to lead to positivity and happiness. I learned  that happiness is my own responsibility.  I learned that likes attract likes, so if I am happy I will attract happy people into my life.  In spite of that I didn't take any action toward my happiness.

    Do I feel more comfortable this way? Am I more familiar with negative thoughts and unhappiness? Am I more familiar with complaining and I am not sure what else to do or say if I don't find something to complain about?  Am I afraid to look different from others?  I don't like to look different and hence to be noticed.
How will I communicate with them?  Am I afraid of their sarcasm and mockery? They may think I became mad. 
Why do we feel more comfortable or familiar with the negative approach we all tend to adopt in our life? We are all complaining, no matter what we have and what level of wealth are we living in, we just complain. Complaints are a common factor in all our conversations everywhere. 


    Am I afraid of looking better, more beautiful, shinning, energetic and enthusiastic?  Am I afraid of my response when I look better? Will I accept my current life as it is or will I rebel  against  it? Digging deep inside myself is really scaring me, I can't predict what will be the results and what will be the effect of this process  on my current life?

 I am afraid while I am looking for my own happiness I may destroy happiness of  my beloved ones.